If you’re short on time and quickly skimming this blog, here’s the main update: I’m currently on my way back to Costa Rica to lead another trip! Haha, feel free to read on or enjoy your day now 😉
When I was 20, I went skydiving with my Dad. I thought that was a good analogy for faith in God. You jump out of the plane and trust your parachute will carry you as you fall thousands of feet. Basically, the Christian walk, right?
And then I went bungee jumping in Costa Rica earlier this year… Mind. Changed.
Now, I love heights and adventurous things. The adrenaline rush and shaky knees are THRILLING to me. So, when I say this was terrifying, know that I don’t say that often.
Looking over the edge of the cable platform and seeing the 469-foot drop was exhilarating, to say the least. At the count of 3, I jumped immediately, knowing I’d psych myself out if I waited at all.
And then, I fell, completely weightless and utterly terrified as I waited for what was sure to be a hard jerk as the cord recoiled from its max stretching point.
Before I knew it, I was gently redirected upwards only to quickly begin a new and rapid descent, but in an uncontrollable position. Again, fear gripped me as I was sure the bungee would break my back when I reached the bottom.
Yet, it ever so gently flung me back up again.
After a few falls, I finally relaxed enough to look around and see the incredible view. I could trust the bungee cord wouldn’t rip my body apart while still keeping me from plunging to my death. It suddenly became enjoyable instead of terrifying.
That, folks, is how I’ve come to see my walk with the Lord. It isn’t just a single trust fall and then floating down to earth as I guide my own parachute. It’s a head-first, leap of faith PLUS free-falling uncontrollably while getting bounced around in unexpected directions over and over again.
God has me by the safety cord, but that doesn’t mean life is smooth sailing in the direction I strategized. Unless you’ve discovered the key to life, I’m fairly convinced no one “figures it out” enough to make their future go exactly as planned. I’m learning that can actually be a surprisingly good thing.
There’s this cool thing about God… He has a perspective that’s eternally broader than my own. I can plan based on what I see and know now or what I hope will happen in the future, but my scope is limited. I don’t actually know what might happen tomorrow, much less 5 years down the road. He sees it all from the beginning to the end of time. He knows exactly how each choice affects each person. So, when He directs me, it‘s backed by a wealth of wisdom and knowledge that I will never fully understand.
That leaves me with a few options…
- I can stay on the platform and waste my life stuck in the comfort of security
- I can jump, but freak out the whole time and doubt the goodness and faithfulness of God’s plan
- Finally, I can jump with my hands spread wide and enjoy the breathtaking adventure while trusting God still has me securely in His hand no matter where life seems to fling me
I choose the latter. Yes, it’s terrifying at times, but I’ve decided I want to live as fully alive and dependent on the Lord as possible. The risk is worth it.
Stories and analogies are great, but let’s talk real life now. What happens when the rubber hits the road? This week, I found myself standing on the figurative platform. I made the choice to jump again.
Annnnddddd now that has landed me on a plane heading back to Costa Rica just 12 days after arriving home. I think I’m in the free-fall stage of the bungee jump and haven’t quite caught my breath yet. I’ve gone back and forth between jittery excitement, tears that won’t stop, and peace that passes understanding. It honestly feels insane, but I see the hand of God all over it.
My past co-leader, Raquel, is mentoring (meaning she provides stateside logistics and support) this squad of 22 young adults with 2 other on-field leaders. She called me on Sunday to ask if I would join them as a leader and specifically focus on discipleship. That in itself is so cool because discipleship is exactly what God has been highlighting to me this whole year!
Okay, now let’s go back to just a few hours before the call. I attended church with my family instead of going to my usual church. And what do you know, they were doing missions Sunday. The whole sermon was focused on giving a yes to God and living with a missional mindset, whether that’s being a sender or a goer. Pastor Mark ended with an altar call and worship song about being led by God. I felt the nudge to go forward.
As I knelt and offered my continued yes to wherever He leads, Mom and Pastor Jeanie came to pray over me. The Holy Spirit surrounded me with tenderness, comfort, and a sense of anticipation. Afterward, Pastor Jeanne said she felt God had something big in store for me, but wasn’t sure what. Little did she know just how true that was very soon to be…
5 hours later, I committed to leading this new squad until they finish on June 29th in Costa Rica. It’s a sweet bonus that we will be back with the host I started at in January of this year. From there, I’ll go directly to Nicaragua on my own for another month at REAP, the ministry where I served in May. I’m looking forward to spending that time furthering some incredibly sweet friendships and focusing on my own relationship with the Lord. I see it as something like a sabbatical, but also with the opportunity to still serve in ministry (including farmwork!).
There have been some other unique confirmations that lead me to say yes again so soon, but the truth is that my first yes never ended. When I asked my Dad his thoughts on this trip, he said something that has stuck with me, “If you’re called to be a missionary, then I think you need to just do it.”
So, I’ll keep saying yes and trusting in His leading until He says it’s time to land again.
My arms are open. The cord is strong. I’m flying high.
To all the friends and family I didn’t get to connect with during my visit home, know that I love and miss you SO much. I wish I could be in two places at once! Please feel free to text or call me anytime though. I would love to at least stay connected that way!
