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Dear reader, 

I have a confession. I need to ask your forgiveness. I’ve been afraid. I’ve allowed fear to stop me from telling the full truth of all that’s happened on the World Race. I’ve given you a tame version of the wild God I serve. 

I’ve shared stories of the amazing things, the beautiful things, the natural things that God has done. But oh, He has been and done so much more. Many uncomfortable, unexplainable things. Things I don’t know how you will take… 

Will you judge me for telling you that I’ve held the gaze of a demon looking at me from within a man and felt my own fear rival the power of Jesus’ name as I spoke it over and over in my mind? Will you think I’ve dived off the deep end if I told you that our squad spent over 7 hours getting baptized in the Holy Spirit and praying over each other in a bathtub in Guatemala? What would you think if you heard that we laid hands on someone and they were healed? What about if I told you that we battled and cast evil spirits out of our living spaces? 

Reader, this life with God is WILD! 

In the words of Mr. Tumnus in Narnia, “He is good, but He is not tame.”

If you had asked me about these things before the World Race…about the Holy Spirit, about spiritual gifts, about demons and angels…I would’ve told you that I believed in them. Yet, they were distant to me. Theoretically, they were true, but, were they really? Doubt still claimed space within me. 

No longer. 

I’ve seen signs and wonders that can only be explained in the supernatural. I’ve heard tongues and interpretations that only come from the Holy Spirit. I’ve been overwhelmed to the point of weakness and tears when I felt a fraction of the heartbreak God feels for His beloved lost children. I’ve heard words of prophecy spoken and witnessed them come true. I’ve seen visions of demons, angels, and God’s presence with me. 

Again, I ask. I beg. Please, please forgive me for dimming the brilliance of God’s glory. The wondrous fire of His Holy Spirit. The ever-present love of Jesus. 

Living life with this Holy Trinity is indescribably more than I could ever have imagined. I feel more alive, more consumed with fiery passion, and more loved than ever before. I can no longer hide what I’ve experienced to be true. If you think I’m a freak, you’re probably right. 

Be warned, I plan on only getting freakier for Jesus.

If my stories scare you or make you cringe, I’m not sorry. Christianity isn’t meant to be comfortable. The Bible isn’t G rated. I can’t force you to believe or accept all these things. You can choose to judge me or ignore what I say. I only pray that you will open your heart to what God is speaking to you. 

I had to personally experience it to truly believe life could be like this. Maybe you will too. That’s okay. Just please, give Him a chance to show you. 

All my love and prayers, 

Victoria L. Groves the Jesus Freak 

 

37 responses to “Confession of a Freak”

  1. Oh girl! You live and breathe truth and express it with such raw honestly and transparency. I am over the moon excited for all God is doing in and through all of you! Thank you for the bold directive to lean in and expect to experience so much more than we can imagine. I am right there with you. I love you and am going to pray for more Holy Spirit fire!

  2. How can I disagree with CS Lewis- He’s neither tame nor safe but yes, so so good!

    Beautiful vision cast to inspire my heart and initiate more thirst and hunger for the wild and unknown parts of God! Which of course are inexhaustible.
    To know much without taste- what good is that!?
    I say yes to His invitation and your thrown down challenge to taste and see (EXPERIENCE) the MORE of God.

    Thanks Victoria and no more apologying

  3. YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES – That’s all I can say right now! GO GET EM JESUS – MAKE EM ALL FREAKY!

  4. Thanks, Noodle Girl! You’ve lived this out for me so clearly. I can’t wait to keep getting freakier with you!

  5. Thank you!!! I love you so much. Let’s keep being fools out here together, okay?

  6. Yes, let’s taste and see that He is good! I’ve been starving for more of Him, yet was picky in what I accepted. No more!

  7. YES AND AMEN! our God is WILD! Thank you for your boldness in sharing- it’s an example to me and gives me more courage to share without watering down. You are incredible friend!

  8. YES! That’s so encouraging to hear. Let’s let the floodgates wide open together!

  9. It’s all Holy Spirit, but amen, let’s go! This fire can’t be contained anymore.

  10. He is not tame, but oh so good! May He light us up with His Holy joy, may He minister to this world through our testimony, actions, & love, may He set His children free. ?? And all the Jesus Freaks say, “Amen!”

  11. SO TRUE! What an amazing God we serve!
    So proud of you for sharing boldly what He is doing through your team. Keep it up!

  12. This post gave me HS chills just reading… God is all-powerful. Glorify his name! God bless your team! Keep up the incredible service and work in His name!

  13. Victoria, my heart is bursting with pride. I’m proud of you for diving deep, proud of your reckless abandon. I’m proud of you for finding the words, for having the courage to share. I’m proud of you for whats to come, the fruit that will be produced. I’m delighted to run with you this year. You’re inspiring deeper faith, love you girl!

  14. Victoria, thank you for being bold and courageous for saying these words. God is always there when things are going great and not so good. You were able to bear your weaknesses. God let your eyes see and your ears to hear. May God continue to be with you every encounter that you will have.

  15. Wow, just wow. As I read this, tears in my eyes I give thanks to God for guiding you and your obedience to follow Him…to the ends of the earth. Love you girl and keep preaching Truth!!

  16. Beautiful post. May we all move closer to the blessed love of Jesus and not be afraid of what the Holy Spirit desires to do in our lives and hearts. I love you beautiful daughter.

  17. I remember spiritual darkness in Haiti. A demon possessed man chained to the floor of his home and we prayed for him. Praying over sick people in Guatemala. These things you’ve shared definitely happen and are real, and Westerners have become numb to it. Thank you for sharing. Stay strong, and put on the full armor of God. He is with you, always!

  18. I can’t even count the number of times I’ve had chills hearing the testimonies of my squad mates. God is moving!!!

  19. Amen! I’m so thankful to Him and you for your continued prayers and support to get me here. I love you too!

  20. Thanks, Dad! I love you and I’m grateful for your example in my life of following His leading.

  21. Thank you for always encouraging, inspiring, and pushing me to deeper depths with Him. Your support and prayers truly mean more than I can say! I want to be a prayer warrior like you when I grow up 🙂 I love you!

  22. It’s so clearly present in other countries that you can’t help but believe it. You can run in fear or fight it in the boldness of Christ’s power, but you can’t ignore it.

    I try to remember to put on the armor every day. Growing up, we would say it together as a family and do motions with it. I used to think it was silly, but wow, I realize now just how much I need it!

  23. How inspiring to hear what God is doing in and through you and your team! Honest and challenging. May we all hunger and thirst for the supernatural move of God in and through us. So glad you are embracing all God has for you!

  24. “please forgive me for dimming the brilliance of God’s glory.” Yes. Wow. Honestly, especially to my family I am guilty of this. I confess that I have also tamed the truth for others comfort level. But even just changing the truth a little makes it not true anymore. Thank you for challenging me!!